Something positive

Second day of not working... I don't like being unemployed, never have. Working gives me something to do, and some reassurance that I will be able to pay my bills. I am confident I am doing the right things, and also I have to pay attention to my fears. They are unreasonable, and I have to keep them in check, otherwise they will dominate me. Fear is not possible when there is faith. I just keep reaffirming my faith. Over and over and over...

Tomorrow I walk for the american foundation for suicide prevention. Actually, I've raised no money and I'm just walking to support my friend. I thought tomorrow would be the last day the restuarant would be open, so I didn't think I would be able to walk. I can't say I'm looking forward to it, but I bet it will be fun. We will make it fun.

The spitting incident is still in my head. I don't feel shame, but I don't feel proud either. I don't know why I did it, and I feel a little disappointed that I didn't behave like jesus or the buddha. What a bar to set for myself, huh?

AA has an expression that some people hate, but I love; I'm just another bozo on the bus. I am no better and no worse than anyone else on this long strange trip, and I act like a clown as often as any. We all have our stuff, and it sometimes is easy to see someone else's, but difficult to see your own. Especially when there are strong emotions involved.

It is Saturday night. Another weekend on South Beach. I still don't like weekends here, wish I were working so I could profit from people being drunk and spending money. Well, there will be another weekend in six days, and maybe I will have a job by then. And I am very happy I don't have to worry about drunks staring at me or vomiting on me in the middle of the night. No, that never happened.

I just shared some wine with a friend on the beach. He told me I was on a good path. It hit me then. Yes, I am on a path. One that others have walked before me. He told me that I am one of the most positive people he knows. Or something like that. Never been told that. I am sort of on the path of an aesetic, but it's not voluntary. I would love to eat more, but I'm ok with eating less. I am celibate, but if my soulmate were here, I most certainly would not be. I pray everyday, sometimes almost all day long, but usually it is in the form of a reggae song by Ziggy Marley, "I want to live in your house... I want to live in your house... I want to live in your house... I want to live in your house".

I don't want to say I am anything. I'm just another bozo on the bus. I just feel like I have gone through, and continue to go through some things that I hope other people can relate to. And I hope that by me sharing how I live through my life, it may help someone else get through their's. So I will say it again... if you like what you are reading, please share the link with someone else. Just one or two other people who think like you do, or like I do...

Not really sure how to end this. The photo is from last night... MB Poplice arresting someones. I will have a computer soon, so I can use a real digital camera, even if it's not an SLR, and maybe I can do something about the ad's and useful links. Tonight I will go back to the restuarant to have a last drink with the people I worked with on the last night it will be open. Tomorrow I walk, and Monday I hope to find a new place to work.

Sometimes I don't feel very positive... but then something, or someone, always happens to remind me that I am never alone unless I want to be. Smile, everything will be ok.