12 weeks

I had the day off today. I used it to pay a couple parking tickets, pick up some mail (general delivery), clean and reorganize my truck, do a couple things for a friend, read a little, and reflect on where I am and what I'm doing.

No conclusions, except to realize that I'm not tied to South Beach. I could be in Key West before dawn if I wanted to. I could be in Savannah or Charleston without too much difficulty within a day or two. It is reassuring, given the uncertainty around the restuarant right now. Season isn't far, and I have the whole state of Florida if I need to move.

I don't want to move. Not yet. I have put so much energy into carving out my niche, and I am finally able to relax a little,  I'm not anxious to go back into survival mode. And besides, I still don't have my boat. But I'm also thinking it might be easier to find a cheap boat in the Keys. And the time to move there isn't far away. Just after 01 Nov 2010 would be a fine time. I am flying to Philly for Thanksgiving to see my grandmother, but Miami International isn't that hard to get to from the Keys.

One thing I pray many times a day is that god will guide me through my thoughts and feelings to do his will instinctively. And in turn, I try to trust my thoughts and feelings. And they have gotten me this far, so I recon I will keep doing what I've been doing until it doesn't work.

Random thoughts;

I've gotten pretty skinny. I weigh less now than at the worst of my using days. I am so much happier though...

Miami Beach is like the biblical town of Babel. Atleast what I know of it, and I need to read more. Haven't read much old testament. But anyway, my point is that there are so many languages spoken here, I would have a hard time counting them. Difference is, we all speak enough English, and know how to point, that we manage to communicate and enjoy each other. Some people just want to use or be used, but there is a really nice spirituality here that comes from relating to strange people from strange lands and finding that we pretty much care about the same things.

I have been homeless for 12 weeks as of tomorrow... that's seven days times 12... 84 days... wow. Yesterday is the first time I felt a little sick. That's why I took today off. I slept 10 hours, drank lots of water, and I think I will beat it.

Just because you want to be a friend with someone, doesn't mean that they are ready to be a friend with you. And when you are as weird as me, that shouldn't be too surprising. As a corrolary, everyone has their own shit/crosses/baggage. It isn't my world. We are all struggling through it as best we can, and sometimes people I care deeply about have their own stuff to work out. They are not here for my benefit. In fact, I want to be here to benefit them. So, sometimes I have to let people I love suffer. Even though I may not understand it at the time, they are doing exactly what they need to be doing according to their own relationship with god. And if I can, I will be there when they want me to be.

I love to pee in the ocean. I return the water that I borrow to my great mother. After all, we are just ugly bags of mostly water (some of you might know who said that :)  ).

The nights are getting cooler. Today though, I received a magic blanket. Some objects are heavier than they should be. It is because they carry a connection to god. This blanket will protect me from the cold, and many other things I am sure, for a long time.

There is only one truth. It cannot be spoken. All the enlightened people of our human history have tried to bring knowledge of it in to our consciousness. I think I am learning that they've tried because to live that truth is to be free. The best I can describe it, is love. Love yourself, that will allow you to love others. Love others, that will allow you to love yourself. In fact, there is no difference.

The figurines were made by one of my guests as he sat through his lunch. He had eyes that were heavier than you normally see. Sometimes you just know when you are in the presence of someone special. He gave me a great overtip too!