All you need is love

Finally, the weather is warm enough, the cops are gone, I got my sand bath. I've used loofa's before, often in fact, but nothing makes you feel as clean as a good, hard, sand scrub.

The new owners take over 01 Nov 2010. I would be worried if I didn't know everything always works out. They own a very hot night club in Nice, and it seems they want to own another in South Beach. I know they want to do some renovations, but I don't know if they will close the restuarant, if they will keep the restuarant, if they will keep any staff... and I don't expect to know before 01 Nov 2010. But I do know that they know my name, and that may be a good sign. We will see.

Life went on today at the restuarant. I made money, my trainee got weird. Who knows if she will make it. I'm not worried. She is on her own path. I work tomorrow night, and I am taking Wednesday off. No matter what happens, this will probably be so. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. And yes, I am pretty much naked at the moment. I like the beach at night.

You know, you really have to face your fears and conquer them. At least I do. For 24 hours I have been pissed off about getting kicked off the beach, again. I told a friend about the beach being closed from 12 to 5. She asked me where is the door? I love it. I like my sand baths. I like my beach when no one is here. That guy threatened to take it away from me. I could have said something ugly, then avoided the beach because this seems to be a police state sometimes. But instead, I asserrted my right to swim naked when no one was looking, and I feel much better. Cleaner too. I think I will come back tomorrow, weather permitting.

The police helicopters are still here. I count two at the moment. But, they let me bathe and swim (probably watched on infrared... perverts), and all is right again.

Fear is about as useless as guilt. Both are signals to pay attention to something that needs changing. Nothing more. I know people who live their lives continuously stoking one or the other in their hearts. That is a choice too. There is a way to live in trust and security and inner peace. All you have to do is say you believe, and you have opened the door.

When I first stopped shooting cocaine and started going to NA and AA. I took the first three steps of the 12 steps. And I did have a spiritual awakening. I suddenly felt a warmth, a peace in my chest, filling a hole that I hadn't even realized was there until I opened myself to something bigger than myself. When I realized that I couldn't manage my own life, and took the chance to open my mind to the possibility that there is a higher power in this life. And I asked, without knowing who I was asking, for help... I was given an awareness of a love for me, exactly as I was, with all my imperfections, and that's how this all started. That's how I came to be here.

So, fear and guilt, and jealousy too, are choices. You don't have to stay in those sad, sad feelings. The temperature is dropping, there is a beautiful first quarter moon, and I think I can hear a live reggae band warming up. Be happy. When I started this blog... it seems like a very long time ago, I asked for a blessing that it would be free of selfish motives and that those who had ears would hear. So I want to say thank you again for reading. You are keeping me sane. Please feel free to kick in and comment. I get great emails, but I am the only one who reads them. I think if you leave a comment on the blog site other people will be able to read what you say.

So conquer your fear, find your voice, and add it to mine if it is in your heart. We are in for really good times.

Cool breezes, and clear skys....