I walked out of my apartment tonight, I love saying that, and saw a beetle walking across the sidewalk. I think it was god, and I imagined him curling up in a warm spot in the dirt under some leaves. That's how I know I had a good day.
Tonight one of my roommate's friends came to visit. He's our age, and even though I have liked him since I met him, five or six visits and a couple months ago, he loves to talk... about not much... and I've gotten so I kind of have preferred to sit outside and enjoy the quiet when he is there. Tonight, he was there when I got home, so I joined their conversation while I had a couple glasses of wine to relax. As we talked, I discovered he was tested positive in 1990. I thought he was mildly schzophrenic, maybe he is, but suddenly he was a different person to me. We talked more, and I told him about some of my past (that I still don't know you well enough to tell), and he became much less schzophrenic to me and much more... something.
We were talking about how miami beach is superficial. They were down on it, saying in other places there was more to do, and people cared less about appearances. That you were less alone in other places. I argued that you are always alone, and if you can count your truly good friends on more than one hand, you are lucky. I said that miami beach is unusual, but before I could start to talk about how easily friendships are made and lost here, they went on with the conversation.
I had to leave (miami beach), and get myself alone before I could come back, being comfortable alone, and really enjoy this place. It is superficial, in the extreme. And it is also a beautiful place. I was walking tonight and think I may have found another holy spot. I was walking and suddenly began feeling that same loud peacefulness that I found on 3rd and meridian. I started to wonder if miami beach is full of these spots...
So I told my friend's friend that I would be his friend in the real sense of the word. He was like, ok, yeah, great. He doesn't know... but I think he is real, for lack of a better word. I love real people, and I hang on to them as best I can. It does take two though, so we will see.
I went to work this morning. I was busy, but not too busy. I was able to give really good service to almost all of my tables, and while I didn't make mad money, I walked with enough. And I was happy. My roommate had a slightly less difficult day, and tonight she still had a job, so I am happy about that too. I am off tomorrow, woohoo! And I work six days after that. Yea! I always get what I need. So does everyone I know.
I'm close to going for pizza, but have to touch base with my lovely israeli bartender friend first. When I walked out of the apartment, my apartment, (smile), and saw the beetle, I remembered the zen expression about seeing god in a blade of grass. I saw god again, without the use of chemicals, and when that happens, it's a good day in my book.
Calm seas and the wind at your back. Don't let go of your real friends, and don't step on beetles.
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