One question

So much of life really comes down to one simple question. Do you believe that one man can make a difference?

Can you affect those around you in a positive manner, even if it means you have to deal with a for-real confrontation? Is there such thing as a fake confrontation? Yup, I think there is, and I think that most of the anger I see around me is better spent elsewhere.

I am talking about the difference between personal and community space now. My bed and dresser are my personal space. If I choose to keep that area in disorder, no one has a right to say otherwise. It is my space. It defines me.

The bathroom, the kitchen, and (to me) to a lesser extent, the TV viewing area (I never watch TV), are shared, community areas. In these spaces, you bring what you need, and clean up after yourself when you leave. Take only pictures, leave only footprints. And only leave footprints if you can't avoid it. I learned these things in kindergarten, high school, and the army. The United States Army. Does Haiti or Italy even have an army? I'm not casting dispersions, it is a serious question. The army is where I really learned how to be a man. I hope to be a good man. What social structure in those countries, and others, provides the same or equivalent training? Or do those countries believe that respectful co-existence is an unimportant topic? How do they learn how to do it?

I learned how to live in very tight quarters, peacefully, with a bunch of over-testosteroned men in the military. My current roommates don't have a clue, and they call me a "bully" for trying to project some order. The guy who stays in bed from 5am to 5pm (who knows where he is from 5pm to 5am) tells me I resent him because I am unhappy with myself. When is the last time I heard such unadulterated bullshit? I think it was around 8th grade. Grow up, make a life, stand for a cause you believe in... find a cause you believe in... figure out who you are, and then try to help someone else overcome their difficulties. There are plenty of worthy people trying hard to make ends meet. More than you can shake a stick at. But you have to find yourself first. If you can't take care of yourself, how can you expect anyone to trust you to take care of them? (And it is a process, not a destination. I haven't found IT yet).

I am trying to learn and understand. What is obvious to me may be ridiculous to my neighbor. The only way to find out is to talk. And sometimes you have to fight to clear the air and break down some fences before you can have any meaningful discussion. That is where I find myself now.

It is almost 3am, and I have already had a loud arguement with my hatian roommate. I am drinking water and coffee to clear my head while we wait for our sicilian roommate to come home. I hope he isn't drunk, and can talk. We need to all agree on some basic rules about what is and is not ok in our apartment; a closet that three men share. Talk about an unnatural situation...

I have the day off tomorrow, and I believe that my extremely good friend, and former roommate, will allow me to recouperate from a sleepless night in peace at her apartment. I am counting on it. If not, I will go to the beach. I love miami beach!

So I guess I'm back where I started. Can I make a positive difference, or does the energy I expend trying to help only create more disorder and chaos? Only time will tell, but stay tuned, and I will do my best to report my mistakes and my victories as honestly as I am capable of doing. History will judge. Ask only that my higher power will guide me instinctively, rather than my own self-centered consciousness. And so must it be, for the good of all, according to the free will of all, and so must it be.