Slow progress

Wow, writing my blog when I'm sober. This is weird...

I haven't had a drop of alcohol in over two days. That isn't really very significant to me though. What is significant is that I haven't had even one drag from one cigarette in over two days. My goal isn't to stop drinking, though I have been going to meetings to help, my goal is to stop smoking. And I know that if I drink, I will smoke. Still, being back in the rooms has made me recognize that I haven't been in a truely sober state of mind for awhile.

I have been doing ok, and I haven't been using anything else. Still, I haven't been building like I feel I should be. Yes, my truck is running great, I have a great bicycle, and a little money saved. And also in the last two months I have probably spent more money on cigarettes and alcohol than all my other expenses (excepting rent and phone) combined. I'm not disparaging my progress, I just feel I could be doing more.

So that's why I decided to quit smoking. And it has been really, really hard. I know that within a couple more days the cravings will subside, and in a couple weeks the habit of not smoking will begin to take hold. Last night I worked my first shift without smoking. I came so close to picking up a cigarette. I went to bed instead, and as a result, I can make the above statement, instead of "I've only had one cigarette in the last two days". And it is good because every cigarette I smoke prolongs my agony, and makes my sucess less likely.

I'm not really thinking about much else now, just readjusting my habits to a healthier lifestyle. I promised to be honest, and that's where I am right now. That's all I have to say I guess. Stay tuned...