I'm still grateful. I love south florida and south beach, despite, and because of all the unusualness. I like walking on the beach, and on meridian avenue. Meridian is lined by these huge, gnarly oaks. Atleast I think they are oaks. They give lots of shade, and break up the sidewalk. I hate uniformity, except in my work, and there is so much variety here.
I am thriving. I knew this is where I was supposed to be, and my life over the past seven months proves it to me. I feel like I took a wrong turn ten years or so ago, and now I'm finally back on the right path.
I like the archetecture, and the population. I like the feel of wild florida, even though it is only a whisper here. I miss backpacking on the west coast, and I think I need to make a point of doing that before it gets too hot. Just two or three days, by myself. Wish kenney could be with me. He'd like it too.
Its funny how so many people think they know what I should be doing. Maybe I invite it by not telling others what they should do. Sometimes it bothers me, but usually I just find it curious how anyone can think they have it together enough to tell someone else what to do. The best psychotherapists that I've met never told me what to do. They helped me find my own inner guide.
And judging others? Fuhgetaboutit. What could possibly make me think that I know anything about what anyone else is going through? Maybe I've done similar things. Maybe I've made similar mistakes. But how I got there, and what I learned, and what I did after, are all unique to me. I can share these experiences, but please don't let me think that I really know what anyone else is going through, or what they should be doing.
It sounds like I'm worring a lot about what others think. I'm not really. I do what I do and let others do the same. You like me, you don't like me, it doesn't much matter. My family thinks I'm doing well, they think I'm screwing up. Same thing. I'm going to keep on living my life according to what I believe to be my own truth. We are all alone, from birth to death. And that finite amount of time seems to go faster and faster the farther you get. If you don't find your own path, your own way, you are wasting a most precious gift... but then again, maybe not. I bet there are some interesting lessons to be learned from following others. For me though, that's going to have to wait for the next lifetime.
I'm just noticing that some people around me, who care about me, think that they know better how to live my life. I have a lot of joy, and true, a lot of pain, but my life is good. Let me share my joy with you, and if you are strong enough, my pain too. Pain shared is pain halved, afterall. And let me be. Be as in the verb, to exist as a unique and beautiful singularity.
I think that's enough for tonight.
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