It is a little funny to me that I woke up this morning and deleted the posting I wrote last night. I thought about it all day, and I'm still not sure why I did it. I'm not ashamed. Its more paranoia. I finally have a decent life circumstance after two years of tumbling, and I don't want to lose it.
I want to share who I am, and my choice to stop paying my bills is a critical piece of information. And also I am affraid someone will call my debtors and say, "hey, he has a little money now, here's where you can find him". But I'm not hiding from anyone. I'm not sharing my address, but my phone is the same. I do trust that god will give me my boat when its time, but I'm human, and want to make it happen as soon as I can. I'm getting old, and I want to sail while my body is still working well enough to do it.
I don't understand why my ex-wife thinks I owe her money. Especially after so long ignoring my calls, texts, and emails. She apparently thinks I wronged her, but I was there too, and as far as I can tell it was just two people who weren't right together. Anyway, its history. She can chase me as long as she needs to, I'm not going to retaliate. Or give her any money...
I live one day at a time. I like my mornings, drinking coffee and reading my books. I like my work, it keeps me humble. I like drinking and writing my blog at night. I like pulling the weeds of life on my days off. Cultivating inner peace, that's it. That's what I do because it seems like the only thing worth doing. I'm too old to build an empire, I don't have children. I have a soulmate who I hope to one day reunite with, and I know that at the moment I have not much to offer. So I cultivate peace in my mind and in my life while I save for the boat.
I'm starting to bore myself again. Life is challenging. It is often uncomfortable. But there is also a lot of good. A lot to smile about. I try to smile more than I frown. That's enough for tonight.
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