No-brainer

So last night I'm not too far from bed and I get a text from my former friend and roommate saying she needs money and will pay me back next month. She said she lost her job, and has only saved half her rent. She says maybe she should go back to paris. She says she went on a two day binge again. I make sure she is okay. I tell her if I give her money I may not have enough to get my own apartment. I say I would come back for maybe three months, and I'm going to bed so text me in the morning.

In the morning I check craigslist. The place I saw last month, the one I've been waiting for, is being advertised again. It is a studio with three beds. $550 a month, no deposit, no lease, and it is only two blocks from my job. Perfect. Its like a hostel with an affordable rate, and no stay limit.

Its about 9:00 am, and my friend hasn't contacted me. I've decided I am definitely calling this guy to book the place this evening. I am 30 seconds from making the call, and my friend texts. She says maybe she made a bad decision, and let's meet to talk tonight.

Did I mention that my god loves to fuck with me? What should I do? For me its a no-brainer. I follow my heart. I have unresolved business with my friend, and this may be a chance to resolve it. Emphasis on may. And also, it is the wrong choice in terms of stability and moving toward my boat. I really need a stable, cheap place to stay where I can save and meditate until my boat arrives.

I wonder who thinks moving back in with my friend is a bad choice? They are the same ones who will tell me I have to live with the consequences of my choices. I don't think I could live with myself if I turned my back on my friend. Its a matter of priorities. To me, it is more important to help a friend in need than to make myself secure. I trust my god. He will always take care of me, and he puts me exactly where he wants me. But in times like this, it seems I always have a choice. Like god is saying, "ok mark, you can have what you want, or you can do what I want. And by the way, if you do what I want, others are going to say you made the wrong choice. But if you do what I want, you know I will take care of you."

So like I said, a no-brainer. We are meeting in about 30 minutes. I will gladly suffer financially to help her. That may not be necessary, we will see. I will have my boat exactly when god says I can have it, no sooner, no later. In the mean time, if I am lucky, god will use me as his instrument. Am I delusional? Maybe. But in this life I have found a voice that I believe to be from god. I get my instructions from somewhere between my heart, my brain, and my gut. The voice is consistent, and I have chosen to live my life according to it, and to foresake the reason of others. It makes my life a little chaotic somtimes, but it is almost never dull.

What do you call a buddhist who believes in god? Confused?

More to come...