Balance

My ex-wife is still spamming me. In a way I like it, I get emails and texts all the time, and I spend 10-15 minutes twice a day deleting and unsubscribing. It appears to an outsider that I have an active social life. So thank you, viktoria, keep it up, and thank you to whoever gave her my email and/or blog address.

Am I becomming a grumpy old man? I seem to be pissing people off lately. My former roommate seems to think I'm an asshole, and that's how my bartender friend treated me when I asked for my CDs back that I loaned her a week ago. Maybe I didn't say it right, maybe I am an asshole.

I do know that now that I'm not living with someone who gets pissed off at me daily has improved my attitude at work. I know this because my guests tell me they think I am the best thing since sliced bread, and they tip me accordingly. On the flip-side though, the two waitresses that I work with think I'm an asshole.

The people I respect seem to like me and treat me well though, so what should I think? Should I play grab-ass more at work to make them like me? Should I accept that I am an asshole and reconcile myself to a life of rejection from immature people who don't understand quality or service? Am I a bitter, grumpy old divorced and ugly man? Yes, according to my deceased ex-mother-in-law, god give her peace.

The picture is a portugese man-o-war. Very pretty on the outside, and painful as hell if you get too close and touch it. Kinda reminds me of me. I'm sure not pretty, but I seem to interest people until they get close enough to touch me. Then I don't know what happens. I seem to sting them because they recoil and then frequently attack. I don't mean to seem self-pitying, I'm not. I am being as true to my nature as I can be. If I irritate others, it creates an opportunity to learn. About me, and about them. It doesn't necessarily make me wrong. Life is full of dhuky, and I guess sometimes I am an instrument of dhuky.

I prefer to be an instrument of peace, but I'm not divine, and I'm still learning.

So life goes on here. It is for sure a long strange trip, if you pay attention. It is sunset now, and the clouds have the appearance of self-illumination that makes you feel like you are inside a salvador dali painting. I hear a woman walking by scolding her friend in italian, before and after the rumble of a passing harley-davidson motorcycle. Its about 72 degreeshere on the corner of 3rd and meridian avenue, and I have found peace again.