A quality life is self-sustaining

Ok, blogworld, I'm getting tired. I wasn't going to post tonight, but I just got an email from a very good friend who told me that she actually enjoyed reading this. It gave me strength enough to reflect on how many times I've felt like my whole being was focused on nothing but surviving the next day. I just feel like smiling and crying at the moment. I came into this world alone, and I will go out alone. And so far, god has been with me all the way. Between my own decisions to follow my instincts, and god's sense of humor, it has definitely been "a long strange trip". I pray that it will be this real, this raw, for the rest of my life. If I die tonight, it will be a relief, I will be happy with how I've lived, and there will be so many things I will feel like I've left undone. So please, keep it real.

The promoter at my restuarant, the one I have confidence in, the one who really is a big part of my decision to stay, was looking and sounding about as tired as I am today. He has let it be known to me that he is struggling almost as much as I am. I'm pretty sure he has an apartment, but I'm not really sure. Anyway, I lived with a woman like him once for a few years. These are people whose artistic medium is relationships and money. They create things. One other woman I knew once who did the same thing told me she was a problem solver, or wealth creator, or something like that. They don't work like me, or most of the people I know. They just do stuff, and get money for their work. My friend creates sucessful clubs. The woman I lived with did everything, anything. The other woman was essentially an investment advisor for Chinese investors in America. Anyway, they all work very hard to create results for rich people and get money along the way. I don't know how to do it, but I have a lot of respect for their abilities.

So I'm not alone in my misery. The owner is putting me on the schedule a day at a time. I'm working very hard most of the day, sweating like...fill in the blank...all day and all night, and I received $15 for Monday. Hey, it's enough to survive one more day without being too hungry. I have stuck to my end of the bargain for two days now. I'm still waiting to see if he does the same. One more new waiter, and a new bartender started today. I remain a busser, and I haven't heard from the other restuarant yet.

The next time I move, it will be to whatever place when the season is about to start. An old friend here who I met again shortly after I arrived, asked me why I came now. In the middle of off season. I did it because I'm not really much worse off than I was in Georgia, and once a month I get to see a spectacular full moon reflected on the ocean. I am finally back where I want to be, and when season hits, I will have established connections, a solid living arrangement, and a great job. And I have about two more months to get myself positioned that way. The move and the stress of changing cities is behind me. I am primed to kick butt. And you just watch, that is exactly what I am going to do. Sometimes though, you have to be patient. You have to take what you have and make the best of it.

So it's drizzeling now. I don't generally get more than six hours of sleep a night. I consume barely enough to cover my energy expenditure everyday. I have to drink mass quantities of water. Most of my immediate social contacts here see me as a homeless alcoholic. I am making no noticable progress in my job search. Yet, I'm not worried. Good things happen everyday. Small acts of good given and received let me know that I'm not alone.There is good, and as long as I create and live Quality, everything is, and is going to be okay.