Fwd: The map is not the territory

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: "mark kilburn" <mkilbu01@gmail.com>
Date: Aug 13, 2010 9:34 PM
Subject: The map is not the territory
To: <go@blogspot.com>

The map is not the territory. That comes from the Neuro-Linguistic Programming thinking in the 70's. What I think something is, how I understand it in my own reality, is not what the thing is in it's own reality. Person, place, thing; doesn't matter. As long as I know what something is, who someone is, I have cheated myself out of experiencing it's true essence.

I am sure this applies to rocks, apples, and trees, but I find the most valuable surprises when I apply it to people. Especially people I don't like, or people I do like who don't behave like I think they should. I have not met one person who I don't like that, when I suspend my dislike, and look without interpreting their motives, I don't find something beautiful. All of us are trying to do what we think is best.

Reminding myself of this when I get upset with someone makes my life much easier. Instead of feeling upset because someone rubs me wrong, I find it comforting to try to understand why they behave like they do. This exercise has led to some interesting friendships. It is also making it much easier for me now to work in a difficult environment.

Several people have come and gone in the three weeks that I've been in this restuarant. I, on the other hand, have gone from working three days a week and earning almost nothing, to working seven days a week and making a little more than nothing. But I am also forming relationships that at least make my life easier, and in the future may lead to better things. And, no one is making much money on the beach right now, and I am creating substance, gravity, in what is actually a pretty cool restuarant, and I am still here, where I want to be, not just surviving, but peaceful and satisfied. I'm not hungry, I'm supporting myself, and things will improve.

The flip-side of this coin is equally important. What others see is not who I am. If I see myself, define myself, by how I am treated, how others see me, then I am adrift without sail or anchor. Let me tell you, there are people who I love who think, and told me in no uncertain terms, that I was making mistakes in comming here. In fact, no one really thought it was a good idea. And honestly, I don't think you should try this at home. But here I am, four weeks in Miami Beach, two weeks homeless, and things are getting better.

Now, I was hungry at one point, and at another I didn't have enough money to pay my phone bill. This later is pertty important because my phone is my internet connection. It is how I see if there is a thunderstorm comming, check for job postings, email, and write this blog. My family came through for me in these moments of need. I am truly grateful. Besides saying thank you, I am trying to express my gratitude by not asking again. But I digress...

Since I was a child I have always chosen to do things my way. It has to border on neurotic, but I feel if I can't trust my own moral compass above all else, then I am lost. And its not really my moral compass, its more like my inner voice that I hope is divinely inspired. I stake my life on the existence of god and in the direction that I receive from "him". I dicided when I was young that god is either everything or nothing, and I guess I have devoted my life to the belief that he is everything. And every night when I look at the moon and the constellations, and listen to the surf as I go to sleep, that belief is reinforced. And I have to smile.

So, I'm generally pretty quiet. Unless I am bartending, I don't usually speak unless I have something to say. This tends to make people uneasy. People suspect I am egotistical, condescending, angry, stupid, or naive. Now if I measured myself by the impressions of others, I would be in trouble. I measure myself by my ability to love and serve others. To overcome fatigue, hunger, stress, anxiety, and lonliness and be able to give comfort, solidarity, and a smile when someone else seems like they need it. And when it turns out that they really did need it at that moment, and I was there to give it, I feel like my existence is justified. I feel like when I die, I will have done more good than harm. I want to have given more than I've taken. Paradoxically, the more I give, the more I receive. And the more I know, the less I learn.

The map is not the territory. What I know limits me from understanding what really is. What others think is equally limited. It is amazing we communicate at all, but we do, and we create beautiful things when we do.

The Beatles got it right, I think, when they said, "and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make". Good night John, Paul, George, and Ringo...and thank you :)