Duhki

I think I passed the interview. I'll know before Thursday, probably, if I get a callback for an interview with the owner. I've also been considering staying where I am. Not because of resistence to change, but because I can see ways to change my schedule a little and make enough money. Being able to walk to work is a great advantage in Miami where the drivers are some of the craziest I've ever encountered. Not to mention the expense of gas, difficulty parking in Coconut Grove, and having to start at the bottom again. I will be talking to the owner of my current place tomorrow while I wait for a callback from the owner of the other place.

In the meantime, I am giving serious consideration to staying in my truck until I can buy the boat. There are many advantages beyond not having to pay deposits and rent. With a cap on the back I would have some privacy when I sleep, and I could brew coffee, maybe even cook without attracting attention. I've already mentioned the 12 volt power supply, any systems I install could be transfered to the boat, saving me money down the road. After living in my truck for a few months, moving on to a boat will seem like a luxurious upgrade. As opposed to moving from an apartment with 120 V power, hot and cold running water, and modern plumbing. And finally, I am much more attuned to the weather now than when I have a warm (or cool), dry place to stay when the thunderstorms roll in. My weather eye will be much keener after five months in my truck versus an apartment.

Its Saturday night on South Beach again. The drunks are just starting to come out, and it's pretty likely to rain. That means I'll be sleeping in the cab tonight, I will be hot because there's really no breeze, and it's pretty muggy from an hour of rain already. No worries though, I have a dry place to sleep and money for food. I would love to get some milk and chocolate cookies, but that makes me sweat two hours later, even in air conditioning. Don't think I want to do that to myself tonight, so I'll have a glass of wine instead.

Met a couple really cool people this week. A couple who, when you are with them, talking and making eye contact, make you feel like you are not alone in this world. People like that are important. It's not anything they say exactly, it has more to do with being present. When I am with them I feel like they are with me. Paying attention, and not worried about how they look, what they will say next, or what someone else is doing while we talk. That takes some self-awareness, and some self-confidence. I don't meet people like that often, and when I do, I try to keep them in my life.

It's not about collecting friends, it's about surrounding yourself with people, places, things that help you maintain the space you want to be in. The Buddhists say that one of the central realities of existence here is discomfort. Some people say "shit happens". I find that there is cool and not-cool stuff in my life everyday. Someone said that what you feed will grow. Am I getting my point across? I keep feeding the mosquito population, but it is entirely not deliberate. I pay attention to people who pay attention to life. I smile as much as I can because it makes me feel good. I drink good coffee, and enjoy my body through exercise, sunbathing, some drinking, and whatever else gives me pleasure. I don't scratch mosquito bites, gossip, or allow myself to be bored. I create when I can, and destroy as little as possible.

I haven't been able to confirm this with any hindus or buddhists, but I've read that the word for the pervasive unsatisfactoriness of life is "dukh". One friend, who is Indian though, confirmed that when you are sad, life is said to be duki. It is somehow validating that an expression I first learned in the army, meaning essentially fecal in nature, is "dookie". I guess if it looks like it, smells like it, and tastes like it, that's what it is. So don't step in it.

Love is all there is. Thank you again John, Paul, George, and Ringo... I don't think true'r words have ever been spoken.

P.S. I am sitting at a bus stop because I find they are good places to sit, unmolested, for long periods. It happens to be at a stop sign. A truck just stopped, paused. I looked, and noticed they were looking at me. They pulled away, and the girl in the passenger seat looked back and waved. Shit happens. :)