Re: No regrets

Stupid phone...

On Nov 18, 2010 8:24 PM, "mark kilburn" <mkilbu01@gmail.com> wrote:

I want to keep writing because I want to believe that someone benefits from knowing that someone else experiences the same kinds of challenges. And I need to let go of the idea that I am an oddity or a subject of study. I started writing this blog to share and record my experiences after I let go of nearly all of my support. I took a leap in faith, and I wanted to share what happened after.

I am still homeless after nearly four months. The first three were pertty challenging, but they made me trust god more than I ever have before. In the last month I have been adopted by a kindly stranger, her two sons, dog, cat, two kittens, and fish. I feel a little like a stray that has found a home. Sort of...

The experience has changed me. For the good I think, but for sure, I am not the same person who left Newnan, Georgia four months ago. I will see some of my family in less than a week, and I am looking forward to it. I love them, and like all family, there have been little chinks. I am really looking forward to seeing all of them again, and am anxious to see if I feel any differently around them.

My friend still hasn't regained her will to live. She is dehydrated, and resists drinking fluids. Today she told me she will go back to Paris. I told her fine, but she won't make it on to the plane if she doesn't start drinking to flush out the poisons. I also told her I am off tomorrow and intend to bother her all day to drink fluids. I wish I had a splif. That would help her right now. Oh well, guess it's not to be. She'll have to stay sober for a little while.

She isn't suicidal, she just has no desire to take on life at the moment. But there are signs of progress... she gave her son money to go to the store today. Atleast I think she did. He may have just taken the money. I hope not. She also drank about 200 ml of some fruit juice I made for her. But that was all...

Tomorrow I am off. I need to go to the library so I can access the service manual for this phone and try to fix the darn thing. And I need to try to convince my friend that if she doesn't replace her fluids orally, eventually someone is going to do it for her intravenously. And that will have associated, undesirable consequences. It is her choice, I just hope she chooses to pick up the fight again, because she now has a pretty resourceful ally; yours truly.

I think I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. I feel that as strongly as ever, actually. I am still aiming for the boat, but in the mean time, god has put someone in my life who seems to be needing a little help. And he seems to be giving me the resources to help. So, that's what I will do to the best of my ability until it is done. And eventually, I will get the boat. And I will get the physicians assistant lisence, and I will find a community that needs me. And until then I will serve great Itallian food at a reasonable price to people who are happy to pay for my fantastic service.

And I will visit the ocean, dance to reggae, and smoke pot whenever I feel like it. But mostly, I will be grateful for a dry place to sleep, good food, good friends and family, and a chance to give some of my blessings back to others. Funny, I just had the thought that if somehow I could read what I just wrote when I was a teen-ager I would wonder how I could be so deluded. And if I could talk to myself now as a teen-ager, I would say keep fighting, don't settle for anything less than the truth. No regrets.