Who really knows?

Season is winding down. My boat fund has been seriously diminished by my choice to help a friend in need. She asked me recently when I would get my boat. I said "maybe next year." Unless I hit the lotto, it ain't happening this year. We are comming to the slim time of year. I'm not too worried yet, we still have a few profitable weeks comming, and I am aware that I need to save. I know its comming, and the fat isn't quite gone yet. Now I'm adjusting my habits.

Still, I struggle a lot with life. When money is an issue, I get depressed. I'm old enough now, and sober enough to see it comming so I can mitigate... I have to keep a balance between intelligent self-denial and reasonable self-indulgence. I don't like being poor, and I like being hungry and homeless even less. I know that how I interpret the world has everything to do with how my world evolves. The more I love, the more love comes back to me. The more I dislike, the more alone I become.

I have a very good friend who appreciates me and takes care of me according to her abilities. I also take care of her according to my abilities, and I have a nurturing home as a result. That is a lot in this world.

I had a thought this morning on my walk to work. What if reincarnation is real, but this is the first life for everyone in this world? What if in the next life we actually remember the life we lived this time? Questions about life-after-life really seem, to me, to be the cause of a lot of problems in this life. Isn't it reasonable to live our lives now as though there is nothing beyond our death? We have no quantifiable evidence, that I know of, that anything happens after you die. That doesn't mean you become a heathen utilitarian in this life; actions have clear consequences.

I don't think an intelligent person can make decisions about their behavior in this life based on any belief in any kind of consequences after you die. Heaven is a lie. Paradise is a lie. You create your own heaven or hell in this life, and when you die, it is over.

Should my grandmother be afraid to die? Absolutely not. She has been a good person in this life. If there is a post-mortum accounting, she has little to fear. If this is all there is, she has some great memories, I'm sure, and she has left goodness in her wake. If she had lived a life like the dealers I know, taking advantage of anyone she could find, not unlike some executives I know, she would be living the consequences. If she had riches, they would seem meaningless. She might distrust anyone close to her. Afterall, we ascribe our own motives to everyone around us. But she has tried, as far as I can tell, to be loving, forgiving, and generous. What comes around goes around. Forever, maybe...

So I guess my point is this; live your life as though there is nothing else. That way if there isn't anything else, you're in good shape. And if there is something else, you've laid a good foundation for what's to come. If jesus really was god in carnate, then he knows what we are faced with every day. Just do your best. Live and let live.

And I guess that's all I have to say about that. :)