New chapter

On the southwest, and northeast corners of the intersection of meridian and 3rd street on Miami Beach are two benches. Even though there are no waves, this is one of my favorite places. It is so peaceful and quiet. Its a four-way stop, and there is a steady trickle of auto, bicycle, skateboard, and pedestrian traffic. The silence here is penetrating.

So guess what? I just got a job. This is the one that I have been waiting for, I think. It is a corporate restuarant, specializing in fresh seafood, fine dining. This one is going to get me my sailboat. Wanna know how I know? Because it is overlooking the bay at a marina with a lot of sailboats. They have restuarants in a lot of places where there are also oceans. That means that after I have the boat, and have saved some money, I may be able to transfer to another location. Hoorah!

I am blessed... but there is always a catch. This one is that training is five days long, I can't start for atleast three days, possibly 10, and I'm pretty much out of money.

But you know what? I've been in worse situations. So far, god has fed me everyday. I did have to ask for help once. I seriously don't want to do that again. Don't waste what you have, and don't buy stuff you don't need. That maxim has gotten me through a lot of tough times. So we will see what happens tomorrow,  and we will see what happens with this job. I'm not actually working there yet, and I have definitely learned to not celebrate until I have cash in hand.

But today, right now, I am happy. I have cigarettes, food, wine, friends, and a dry, too warm place to sleep. What else could I ask for? Only one thing... for god to totaly wipe out mosquitos as a species. I wouldn't ask for that though, who knows what would take their place. Better to keep my eyes open for some screen.

Let them eat cake

The restuarant is like Hotel California. It was supposed to close Saturday, I went by Sunday to see how it looked closed at night, and to my surprise, the doors were open. I walked up to the sidewalk and ran into the owner of the neighboring building. He said he didn't know what was going on. I walked up to the door, and the hostess, and the coke-head waiter were there, setting up tables.

They said they had no cook, no bus boy, no bartender, but when they showed up for work the doors were open. They didn't know who opened them. We exchanged what we knew, and basically, no one knew anything, but they were trying to open despite the fact that the coolers and the kitchen were locked.

It was like watching ghosts.

The first table sat, ordered an orange juice and a corona. OJ, no problem. Corona, couldn't get. Table left. They called the bartender with the keys, and she would arrive in 20 minutes. They called the wife-owner. She said the restuarant was closed until Wednesday, but husband would call them Tuesday to pay them the money they were owed when he returned from France...

On Sunday, at the end of the walk to benefit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, they released buterflies. They read a Native American legend where if you have a wish you must capture a butterfly. You then tell the butterfly your wish and set it free. Because butterflies make no sound, they can reveal your secret to no one but the Great Spirit.

Today I found one of those butterflies they released, dead in an ashtray at the hostel. I am here charging my battery because the library is closed on Sunday, and I spent all day today job hunting. No offers, but god will put me where I am supposed to be. I know it was one of the butterflies they released because I recognize the species, even though I can't name it right now. They are not in season here and now. But if you google map university of miami and 250 ocean drive, you will see that the butterfly somehow made it several miles across open water and against prevailing winds in approximately one day.

A couple thoughts... I wondered if he told the Great Spirit anyone's wish... this is where wishes come to die... how did he get here?... why did I find him?... Did he really fly here?

Spent a couple hours with the ghosts of casanova. They were there because the owners owed them money. Actually made a connection with the coke-head. Turns out he has a passion for helping the Hatians who are still devastated from the hurricaine that hit, how many years ago? Anyway,he is squatting in an apartment in forclosure and is leaving in a couple weeks. He said I could have the key for $200. Hot water and electricity free of charge for a little while...

Yes, that is a Kilwin's store on Lincoln Road on South Beach. Kilwin's is a confectionary that I have visited in a small town in Northern Michigan where my grandmother lives. A wholesome town... seeing the store here was a little like how I imagine I would feel running into my grandmother on the beach in a bikini.

Shocking.

It is still hot during the day, mid-80's. Nights are cool on the beach because of the wind. My parking space is sheltered, and I cover the bed of my truck with a stylish blue tarp. Tarp keeps it warm, so I still sweat if I cover myself. If I dont , I have the ever present mosquito. Six of one, half a dozen of the other. I am really optomistic at this point. I am released from my servitude to the French, and I didn't have to guillotine them. I am about to find a job that pays me, in a restuarant that is run well, and season is about to hit. I am ready. And who knows, maybe I'm supposed to do something else, like dance and play a tamborine in the street while I sing hare krishna.. krishna krishna... hare hare...

Something positive

Second day of not working... I don't like being unemployed, never have. Working gives me something to do, and some reassurance that I will be able to pay my bills. I am confident I am doing the right things, and also I have to pay attention to my fears. They are unreasonable, and I have to keep them in check, otherwise they will dominate me. Fear is not possible when there is faith. I just keep reaffirming my faith. Over and over and over...

Tomorrow I walk for the american foundation for suicide prevention. Actually, I've raised no money and I'm just walking to support my friend. I thought tomorrow would be the last day the restuarant would be open, so I didn't think I would be able to walk. I can't say I'm looking forward to it, but I bet it will be fun. We will make it fun.

The spitting incident is still in my head. I don't feel shame, but I don't feel proud either. I don't know why I did it, and I feel a little disappointed that I didn't behave like jesus or the buddha. What a bar to set for myself, huh?

AA has an expression that some people hate, but I love; I'm just another bozo on the bus. I am no better and no worse than anyone else on this long strange trip, and I act like a clown as often as any. We all have our stuff, and it sometimes is easy to see someone else's, but difficult to see your own. Especially when there are strong emotions involved.

It is Saturday night. Another weekend on South Beach. I still don't like weekends here, wish I were working so I could profit from people being drunk and spending money. Well, there will be another weekend in six days, and maybe I will have a job by then. And I am very happy I don't have to worry about drunks staring at me or vomiting on me in the middle of the night. No, that never happened.

I just shared some wine with a friend on the beach. He told me I was on a good path. It hit me then. Yes, I am on a path. One that others have walked before me. He told me that I am one of the most positive people he knows. Or something like that. Never been told that. I am sort of on the path of an aesetic, but it's not voluntary. I would love to eat more, but I'm ok with eating less. I am celibate, but if my soulmate were here, I most certainly would not be. I pray everyday, sometimes almost all day long, but usually it is in the form of a reggae song by Ziggy Marley, "I want to live in your house... I want to live in your house... I want to live in your house... I want to live in your house".

I don't want to say I am anything. I'm just another bozo on the bus. I just feel like I have gone through, and continue to go through some things that I hope other people can relate to. And I hope that by me sharing how I live through my life, it may help someone else get through their's. So I will say it again... if you like what you are reading, please share the link with someone else. Just one or two other people who think like you do, or like I do...

Not really sure how to end this. The photo is from last night... MB Poplice arresting someones. I will have a computer soon, so I can use a real digital camera, even if it's not an SLR, and maybe I can do something about the ad's and useful links. Tonight I will go back to the restuarant to have a last drink with the people I worked with on the last night it will be open. Tomorrow I walk, and Monday I hope to find a new place to work.

Sometimes I don't feel very positive... but then something, or someone, always happens to remind me that I am never alone unless I want to be. Smile, everything will be ok.

Photos

Damn, photos came across in the wrong order. You're supposed to see the second one first. Cool and abstract, then see the second... oh, its a sewer. The best laid plans, right?

Cortadito...

... the REAL reason I came back to Miami Beach. Not the ocean, not the international population, not the general craziness; I came back for the cuban coffee. The closest beverage I have ever found that is accurately described by the word ambrosia (excepting maybe a couple wines) is the cortadito. A half and half mix of sweetened cuban coffee and steamed milk. I have been able to make a barely suitable replication in other places, but nowhere in the United States, that I have found, can you find anything like what you can get here for $0.75 - $1.50, depending on where you go.

Speaking of general craziness... I enjoyed my day off. I went back for my tips at 4:00 when the restuarant was supposed to open. The owners were talking with the GM of the hotel that occupies the rest of the building. All three were obviously stressed. The rumormill said they might have to stay open for another week. No, there is no way I will subject myself to that for another day, unless god tells me to. I wait 30 minutes, still they don't show up in the restuarant, so I pour myself a drink at the unattended bar, and leave for a couple hours.

When I came back, the day cook was just leaving, she got her money, and the owners were in their little corner where the money is. I only had to wait for about 20 minutes to get everything they owed me, less maybe five bucks. I took it and ran. Actually, something unusual happened as I walked down the steps.

I had thanked the owner for letting me work, thus concluding our relationship. I walked out the door, down the first flight of stairs, and suddenly, completely without thinking about it, spit on the landing.

Now, I don't spit. I think it is a waste of water. But something welled up and said spit me out... NOW! So I did. And that act, I think, actually concluded the relationship. I will not earn one more dime for those two ever in my life, unless god tells me to. And whatever me spitting set in motion, maybe nothing, I will probably never know.

My friend whose parking space I am living in is close to normal, but showing signs of stress. She cleaned today for about seven hours. Not straight, she took a nap, but she didn't look for a job. She says she will go back to Paris in December if she doesn't find a job. I really hope she does find a job, because I've made a pretty comfortable bivouac (all possible meanings) in her unused parking space.

Nothing is ever as simple as it seems. It's like the buddhist story about the couple who couldn't conceive, then they did. Kid got a horse, fell off and broke his leg. Broken leg stopped him from getting conscripted, you just never know.

It just goes to show you, if it's not one thing, it's another... if it's not toilet paper on your shoe, it's little green things stuck in between your teeth. God bless Gilda Radner and everything she set in motion. Remind me to tell you about the Xlerator, and Dyson's contribution to eliminating landfill... what do you think google will come up with for ad's for this posting?

Thanks for reading.

One door closes...

Yeah, you gotta bitch once in awhile. I guess I just had to get it out of my system. That restuarant was bad news... I say was because they closed yesterday. Atleast they stopped serving breakfast and lunch. They will be open for dinner today and tomorrow, just to try to sell off as much inventory as they can. They are already out of the napkins we roll silverwear in.

The owner told me yesterday around noon. Your job is gone mark, but you can work dinners for the next two days if you want. I slept on it, and I don't think so. First, the morale on that shift is already horrible, we have almost nothing left to sell, and I can use that time to look for another job. I am very happy that test is over. I hope I passed.

I have been stressing lately because I knew it was comming. Knew things were going to change somehow, sometime, before long. Now it is done. There is still a rumor that the new owners might keep me on, but I'm not putting much stock in that. I have absolutely no doubt something will come for me. I am starting my part now; I reaffirmed my faith and commitment to my higher power, and am starting to do the paddeling...

Someone told me once that a spiritual life is like being in a canoe with god. God does the steering, you do the paddeling.

Gotta bitch once in awhile...

Just in case any of you at home are thinking of trying this, I want to reitterate that being homeless is not comfortable. Staying clean is probably the most insidious stress, and the most difficult to fight. Next is existing next to people who pay for a roof. They don't like us, no matter how pleasant and unobtrusive we try to be. They seem to somehow think we are partly to blame for their predicament, what ever it might be. I try to put myself in their position... so some guy is sleeping in his truck in the parking space next to mine. Ok, one day a week, on the day he isn't gone before I am, I see that he is sleeping when I am on my way to work. At night, I come home, and he is asleep in his truck bed. There is an ugly blue tarp covering his truck. Maybe this makes my propery value come down. Or maybe my friends think I live in a ghetto...

It is late october, and I am still sweating most of the time. If I close my trailer-trash blue tarp to keep the mosquitos out, it gets hot. If I don't, it is still hot, and I get bit all night. Because I am pond-scum, I can only drink water at work, so replacing my electrolytes is a little more difficult. One coca-cola a day replaces most of the potassium and whatever else you sweat out besides water. It is very refreshing, and humiliating when you run all day, from sidewalk to kitchen, up three flights of stairs and back at least two times per table, and if you are lucky, you have 10-20 tables...and are not allowed to have one or two fountain cokes, costing fractions of a penny each.

I guess I'm a little angry tonight, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it was the cab driver who stopped in front of me for no other reason than to keep me stuck in the middle of the street, and was self-righteous when I flipped him off. Maybe it is the stores that charge ridiculous prices for low quality goods, and the self-centered clerks who work there. Maybe it is "the man" who profits from overpriced goods and underpaid workers.

Maybe it is the fact that I am getting old and can't see without these screwed up reading glasses with only one arm that I am pretty sure are making my eyesight worse every time I use them. Or my four front bottom lower teeth that are disgusting because after six visits and about $2400, my dentist still couldnt get around to cleaning them, but he was all about scolding me for a popcorn kernal stuck between my molars. Asshole.

I have hemmorhoirds. Talk about a pain in the ass. I think I can pay a butt-load of money to have them surgically removed... probably they are symptoms of undiagnosed rectal cancer. Oh yeah, and you know how when you travel to a new place, sometimes you can't have a bowel movement for a couple days because your sphincter just isn't comfortable? Well, try that on a continuous basis....

I don't know, have I bitched enough yet? I'm upset because one of my friends stopped being a friend without explanation. She is young, and either there was some unacknowledged attraction going on, or I really am just a gross old drunk. My other friend is almost back to normal, though she is still stressing about being unemployed.

Today I got it from a pretty reliable source that the evil racist incompetent owners will be gone this Saturday, and that the restuarant will keep going until december. That could be good...

Did I mention that my lower back hasn't stopped hiurting for about a year and a half? If someone tells me jesus will solve all my problems, I'm really gonna be pissed...