Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Awake and still alive

I just never get bored of seeing the moon rise over the ocean. I can't wait to be seeing it from the cockpit of my boat as I take my first cruises around the keys and the bahamas. No, I don't have it yet. I'm still comfortably land locked with a roof, unlimited electricity and hot water, and a great grocery store just a few blocks away. But I can't wait for the transitional period where I'm living on the boat, but still working and walking to my favorite produce and meat section. That is when I will start taking two, three days, and an occassional week off to learn the ins and outs of coastal cruising and the quirks of my new home on the water. That vision is what keeps me happy. Living beside the ocean now gets me closer to it's realization. I'm gonna try hard to make it happen in 2012.

I think it's safe now to reveal a couple details about my last eight months. On april fools day, my roommate was detained by the authorities. She had stayed in this country past her alloted three months. I went from living in my truck and scraping by day by day to being responsible for a crazy, lovable, flea-bitten puppy, a pregnant cat, and an apartment that I couldn't afford, literally overnight. Up to that point, I had been happy to come up with just half the rent.

But it wasn't just the animals and the physical space, my friend had put a lot of work into making the apartment her space. I was suddenly faced with a choice to either bug out, put the animals in the shelter and look for a cheap place to stay, maybe go back to being homeless, or somehow try to caretake my friend's life for her until her situation was resolved.

Let me remind you that I was living in the open bed of my pickup truck for two months on the street, picking up tickets two or three times a week, moving the truck two or three times a day, when this person who came into my restuarant-hell while I was working, told me I could park in her unused parking space. For two months I was in heaven. I put up a tarp over the bed, and she let me make coffee and shower in her apartment almost every day. Her two beautiful sons were living with her, and they took me into their family like a stray dog. It was a crucial moment, and she gave me a place to make a stand.

The evil french couple that had me essentially in servitude for four months sold the restuarant, and I was out of a job for about two weeks. My mother and to some extent, my father, came through for me, once again, and fed me until I landed the job I thought I would have found two weeks after I got here in the slowest time of the year. I think I mentioned that I would never again move somewhere in the off-season.

The restuarnt I work for now is paradise. I had to suffer eight months of slow lunch shifts before I finally became permanent on the dinner crew. But now, I am making bank. I will stay there until I leave miami.

My roommate was detained for six months, and I somehow, with god's help, kept the apartment. Got rid of the fleas, gave the kittens to the shelter (they were sooo cute, I'm sure they were all adopted... I tell myself), got the cat spayed, and managed to keep the place pretty much as she left it.

She didn't take captivity well. She was well on her way to becomming institutionallized when they finally let her out, six months later. It has been a couple months now, and I am so proud of her. She is almost completely back to herself. She kicked the pills they had her on in the first week, and the has lost 30 of the 40 Lbs she gained in there. She has increased the cleanliness of the apartment by atleast one order of magnitude, and has reclaimed her artistic lisence with the interior design.

In fact, she has reclaimed her life with a vengence. To the point where she has nearly kicked me out twice. But it is a difficult situation. She can't work, and I continue to pay all the bills. The realty company that took over the building thinks I am the owner.

Now, remember that I am a pretty simple guy. I work, I read, I am learning to play guitar, and I drink everyday to pass time and save money until I can buy a sailboat. When I drink I relax, think about my future, and sometimes stay up late looking at google earth, plotting my way points, or ordering obscure books from amazon.com. But I am quiet, never caustic unless provoked, and pretty much just go about my business without worrying how other people see me. Unfortunately, my friend has had past experiences with alcoholics, and has diagnosed me as such.

We finally reached a peace when I told her I planned to leave as soon as she got back on her feet. I can't bail out on her. I've spent the whole year trying to repay her for helping me when I needed it most. But I also am twice divorced, and damed if I'll let some woman dictate how I will live my life.

If this all sounds familiar to you, there is nothing new under the sun. These are classic man-woman dynamics. The weird thing here is that they are being played out by a buddhist monk and a lesbian in south beach. Plus ce change, plus c'est la meme chose. The more things change, the more they stay the same (Rush. 2112, I think...).

So, my friend is back, my life is good, and I've started my blog again. I don't really know yet what the blog is about, but another year is clicking on the dial of life. 50 is fast approaching, and I still don't have a boat. But I do have a great job, plenty of things to talk about, and a boat fund that is slowly gaining weight.

It is december again. Last year was really cold at this time. Now it is highs in the 70's, lows in the 60's, and plenty of sunshine.

I listen to reggae and blues on pandora, and before you know it, will be playing my own renditions on my brand new electric guitar... well ok, the guitar is used, but its new to me, and the amp is out of the box.

Until my next post, stay awake and live, blogland. :)

Friday, December 23, 2011

Fwd: Lauren says to start writing again

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: "mark kilburn" <mkilbu01@gmail.com>
Date: Dec 24, 2011 2:42 AM
Subject: Fwd: Lauren says to start writing again
To: <mkilbu01@blogger.com>

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: "mark kilburn" <mkilbu01@gmail.com>
Date: Dec 24, 2011 2:35 AM
Subject: Lauren says to start writing again
To: <blogger@blogspot.com>

I just bought an electric guitar, and I am thrilled. I have tried to learn the guitar two or three times in my life, always with an acoustic, I've even taken lessons a couple times. But I never stuck with it. I always wanted an electric guitar.

I bought one last night from a place called miami beach music exchange. The owner's name is marty, and he is only open from 8pm-3am, Thursday through Sunday. So around 11 pm, after we celebrated the solstice, I rode my bike up to Purdy Avenue and bought my first ever electric guitar. I was so worried I would drop the amp as I rode home, but I made it.

Because I am not christian, and because I don't have a significant other right now, I pretty much avoid christmas, and am happy when it is past. The winter solstice though, is different. You probably already know this, but the winter solstice is the shortest day of the year, and the longest night. Symbolically, it is the birth of the life force, and the beginning of the decline of the death force. The birth of Jesus, conveniently, is celebrated three days later. Those christians knew what they were doing, and you can't fault them for trying to celebrate life with the pagans. That's as far as I'm going tonight on that subject.

So I haven't posted for awhile. I started my blog to chronicle my experiences in homelessness: a direct result of my leap of faith by staying in miami beach after I ran out of money. My choice, I think, was validated as I found a home, a good job, and a new life. I am happy again.

I read somewhere that art is born of pain. That to produce art, the artist must suffer. Well, I'm not suffering, and my art kind of dried up for awhile. But then christmas and the solstice came around again. I wrote a "blog post", but really it was an email to my closest family. They pretty much all told me that I should be writing. Really, it wasn't my greatest work, just some ramblings about the solstice, and my cat killing a mouse.

Tonight though, I got a voicemail from my friend kelly, whom I worked with in newnan, georgia, just before I came here. Kelly writes an awesome blog called waiting for tips. She told me about someone who reads her blog, who asked if she read any other blogs. Kelly told the someone, her name is Lauren, about my blog. And apparently she read the whole thing, and believe it or not, she liked it. Kelly called me to tell me to start writing again... for lauren...

So I guess because I've been having some things I want to say rolling around in my head for awhile, and because my family thinks I should, and because Lauren liked my blog, maybe I will try to start writing again.

This is my hello posting. In a day or two, I will tell you what I've been up to since I last wrote. Its funny, I've been playing the guitar for only two days now, but the difference in the creative processes of writing and music making are way different. After I played the guitar for an hour or so, my little phone keyboard seemed foriegn... I didn't know where the letters were. As I write now though, it is like an instrument. I think the word, and the letters appear. Weird, huh?

Thank you for reading, who ever you are.